“I hate where I live” is a phrase I uttered a lot as a teenage girl who wanted nothing more than to leave my small town for the big city. Unfortunately for me, I didn’t get to decide where to live at that point in my life. It was chosen for me. This is why I am so passionate about helping people decide where to live when they do have the option to move. It is also why I have created this How to Decide Where to Live series to help you go from “I hate where I live” to “this place was created for me” or to help you find a new place to live entirely.

Deciding where to live is a crucial decision that profoundly impacts your well-being, happiness, and overall life satisfaction. It is a process that demands introspection, self-awareness, and a genuine understanding of your surroundings. 

Develop Empathy for your current place before you Decide Where to Live

The first step on this journey of how to decide where to live involves developing a sense of empathy towards yourself and your environment. It will be incredibly hard to determine where you need to go next without first evaluating where you are.

I know what you’re thinking. 

I have been dwelling on my current city forever. This place sucks. That’s it.

It may seem counterintuitive but trust me it is crucial to understand why “I hate where I live” keeps coming out of your mouth. Clearly, you are feeling unfulfilled by your current city or town. In order to determine how to improve this situation, you will need to understand what it is that is causing this dissatisfaction in the first place. 

Understanding the I hate Where I Live Mentality

Feeling unfulfilled in your current city or town can manifest in various ways – a sense of restlessness, boredom, or a lack of connection to the place we call home. This discontentment often arises when our needs and aspirations clash with the limitations of our surroundings. 

It could be related to factors such as limited job opportunities, an inadequate social support system, a lack of recreational activities, or a mismatch in values with the local community. These limitations contribute to the I hate where I live mentality that you are so desperately trying to get away from.

Whether you like it or not, you have created some lifestyle habits that have been shaped by where you live. It is important that you understand what those are and why they were created. This understanding will help you acknowledge what type of lifestyle you want when you decide where to live next. 

The Role Empathy Plays When you Decide Where to Live 

Because we are humans, We can be so hard on ourselves sometimes. I know this first hand. It’s really easy for me to look inward and judge myself for every bad thing that has happened to me. Or to feel guilty for things I shouldn’t. 

Were all women taught that everything is our fault? 

When I made the decision to decide where to live. I felt guilty for leaving behind my family. I felt guilty for doing nothing about my I hate where I live mentality and for staying way too long in a place that just wasn’t for me.

If this sounds or feels like you, my dear reader. I encourage you to be kind to yourself. It is the only way you can properly evaluate your emotions and desires when you decide where to live next. 

1. Self-Empathy: Practicing self-empathy enables you to identify the aspects of your current living situation that are causing discomfort or unease. By acknowledging these emotions, you can avoid suppressing them, leading to further discontentment. Self-empathy also helps you become attuned to your values, preferences, and long-term goals, guiding you towards an environment that aligns better with who you are.
2. Place-Empathy: It can often feel like our cities or towns have somehow wronged us. So, don’t hate me, but in addition to self-empathy, you also need to have place-empathy. By this, I mean you have to extend compassion towards where you live, the physical location. This allows you to gain a deeper appreciation of its nuances, cultural diversity, history, and challenges which could soften your heart to it a bit more. Wouldn’t it be nice to foster a sense of connection to your community instead of leaving with an “I hate where I live” mentality?

This way, when you decide to move somewhere new, you can acknowledge your old home for all of the things that it taught you and can move on knowing you gave it a fair shot. Think of it like an amicable breakup. Who doesn’t want that?

For those who don’t have an I hate where I live mentality 

It is not lost on me that not all of my readers have an I hate where I live mentality. Some of you don’t mind where you live, but you just want to try something new. Others are trying to decide between a couple of job opportunities and want to know which city best suits them. And a lot of you just want to retire in a place with a beach and golf course in your backyard. 

Regardless of whether or not you have an I hate where I live mentality, this assignment will still be helpful to you. At the very least, you may learn something new about your current town that will help you to like it even more. 

So please just do it. 

It will all come together at the end of the series. Join the community for access to the assignment. 

Evaluating Factors Affecting your I hate Where I live Mentality 

Once you have embraced empathy towards yourself and your environment, you can begin evaluating the factors contributing to your sense of dissatisfaction. Remember the focus now is on where you currently live. Here are a few things to keep top of mind. 

• 1. Career and Economic Opportunities:
  • Does where you live have access to the kinds of jobs you want?
  • Is there career growth potential?
  • How is the local economy and overall economic stability of the region?
• 2. Social Support System: 
  • Do you have a close-knit community who supports and helps you achieve your long term goals?
  • If not, have you actually tried?
• 3. Cultural and Recreational Activities:
  • Does where you live have access to the cultural events you would like to be apart of?
  • Do you have access to recreational facilities that allow you to enjoy your specific hobbies?
  • Are there opportunities for personal growth and exploration?
• 4. Environmental Factors:
  • Do you like the weather/climate?
  • What are the advantages/disadvantages of your natural surroundings?
  • Is there  access to green spaces? Do you care about this?
• 5. Cost of Living: 
  • Can you afford to live there on your current income?
  • Where does your money go every month?
• 6. Personal Values and Beliefs: 
  • Does the community’s values align with your own?
  • Do you feel a sense of belonging around your values?

Join the Choose Where to Live Community

My hope with part one of How to Decide where to live is that you have learned alot about the way you live and the values you hold in your current environment. The goal is for you to identify lifestyle patterns and values that may not be so apparent because they are such a normal part of your reality. Often, we drift through life on auto-pilot doing things unaware of the very actions that make up our day to day. It is so easy to get caught up in the monotony that we don’t really engage deeply with where we are. 

Therefore, really getting to know your current home might surprise you by the unanticipated insights that are different from what you actually do. If you want to change your environment, you must first know your relationship to place. 

Your decision to decide where to live is a deeply personal one that requires intentional  self-reflection and empathy. Understanding your feelings of unfulfillment empowers you to identify the root causes of your discontent and seek out environments that nurture the type of fulfillment you are looking for. 

This post only scratches the surface of my first assignment. If you want access to the full series you can check out my other posts here. But really, we’d love to have you join the full choose where to live community where you can meet like minded individuals and connect with me. 

I’d love to hear your thoughts on the assignment above!